Where Did My Wife Go?

I want to invite a special guest blogger, my husband, who next to my daughter, is the love of my life, and unbeknownst to him, a closeted writer in the making. He is my second husband, and at the expense of sounding too mushy, he gave me hope, saved my heart, and is one of the reasons why I fight to get better each day. This illness… syndrome… whatever this is called, affects more than the person involved. It affects the whole family. Today, my husband will blog about how this affected him. Overcoming anything this challenging takes a team effort, and I’m just grateful that I have him in my corner…

About five years ago, a good friend 

became so much more. At first, she was “just Jackie,” that girl who was bubbly, funny, full of energy and adorable. While we were both training in Krav Maga, I knew her for her aggressive boxing skills, and that her little girl was the center of her life. Nothing, I mean NOTHING was more important than her child. Most of us know, that we never know the exact moment when we are in love; we just come to that conclusion while musing about that one special person. So it was that I fell in love with this phenomenal individual. 

She was so very interesting to me. A writer, a mom, an educated and spiritual person who filled every expectation I had for a woman I would want for my wife. I had wonderful experiences with her. The hard training, sometimes

4-5 hours of arduous working out. We would go on long romantic walks. On the days we had a night to ourselves, we would grace my “Bachelor Pad” with a bottle of wine, popcorn, a home-made dinner, and we would stay up watching a marathon of our favorite scary show.

We married, of course. How could there be any doubt? Most knew

Bad day moment,
 but never stops smiling.

we were in love before we did. A small ceremony was held with an intimate and small group of friends present. It was grand, truly grand. That being said, a dark cloud began to loom over us. It started small, but like most storms, it always begins small. At first, my wife would tell me,“Why don’t we skip training today?” or “I’m beat after today’s class, I need a nap.” My wife- TIRED? No way! She was NEVER tired. She was the human equivalent of the energizer bunny. She would ALWAYS leave me behind with all her energy. Slowly but surely, she would get more and more tired. 

Other things

I knew something was wrong when
she would fall into a heap of exhaustion
after a workout.

began to show up as well. A weird inflammation on her feet and joints would appear. Her kidneys would begin to hurt- quite often. She was NEVER one to complain about pain. She would just laugh things off that would make bigger and meaner men cower. It would get to the point that she would spend almost 8-12 hours in bed recovering from just cleaning the house! Worst of all was the confusion. She was one of the smartest women I had ever known, with a memory that would make any historian green with envy. Yet, more than once she would just sit on the sofa waiting to remember what she was going to do. We all get those moments but this was something else entirely. This was NOT the woman I fell in love with.

So began our journey… not one we had planned for of course, but who can ever plan for life? Things happen, unexpected things. Anyone who has children can attest to this. We began to see a plethora of doctors and professionals. We scoured the internet for answers. The more answers we got, the more questions we had. It became overwhelming to try to sift through all the different opinions we received. This wasn’t a disease in the traditional sense. This is a syndrome. A conglomeration of symptoms that cannot be fully categorized. How can we gauge exhaustion or pain? Her blood tests would give some answers, but again, many would have their interpretations as to what this was. So onward we went.

Some things we discovered worked, like a Mediterranean diet, certain supplements as well. L-Methyl Folate definitely helped her a great deal. Exercise was key. On days when she had absolutely no motivation she made herself go. It broke my heart, then and now, to see her struggle doing something that she used to love to do so much. Yet, onward like the warrior I know she goes. Onward with the fight to get better and stronger.

Our journey is not over. We continue looking for that one perfect

My beautiful wife at her best
on date night. 

answer or that magical moment that will give me back that wonderful woman I knew. She is still here, mind you, hidden behind the cloak of this darkness that envelopes her. I tell her, each and every day, how much I love her, and seeing her go through this makes me love her even more. If I could I remove this cloud from her I would. Of course, I know I can’t just wave a magical wand and wish it away. We must do this together. So, like any good marriage, we endure the journey together, through thick and thin, holding hands and with smiles, knowing that no matter how it ends, I’m with the one I love.